#soulsearching...Finding Yourself Again After Becoming Mom

 

Hey Girl! So today I'm going to go deep. And I'm going to ask you to join me. Have you felt that you've lost the essence of who you used to be? Are you feeling lost or empty inside? Maybe you are struggling with finding your purpose or who you are outside of being a Mom. Girl you are not alone. So many of us as moms struggle with this at one time or another. We devote every waking moment to our children and keeping them alive that we easily neglect ourselves and what brings us joy. We feel guilty if we want or NEED to take time for ourselves because we think we should be able to handle it. We feel weak if we admit to needing a break. How often have you cried in the shower, in the car, or in your room. I can't tell you how many times I've sat in my car in my driveway for a few minutes waiting to go inside because I just spent all day with my students at work needing me and giving every ounce of my being to them or my staff and now I need to do the same thing when I walk through my door with my own kids...and I don't know if I have anything left. YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN FEELING THIS WAY MOMMA!

Recently I said to myself  "I am not doing this one more day. I am not pouring from an empty cup anymore!" And today I want you to do the same thing. Tell yourself this stops right now! This stops TODAY! I want you to stop, right now, right this minute and think to yourself....what lit your soul on fire before you were a wife or mother? Are you doing those things? Are you taking time for you and what has made you who you are? Probably not...because truthfully so many times I've stopped and realized that I NEVER take time for myself. That every minute of my day is devoted to doing things for others. Now girl don't get me wrong. I love my family with every ounce of my being...but I NEED to love myself too. Because when I don't my head gets foggy, I get tired, I get irritable, I get anxious, and I get depressed. Yup...I feel ALL THE THINGS. And in return I have NOTHING for my husband or my children or my students or my staff. I can't pour from an empty cup and neither can you!

I've talked about this before but I'm going to dig a little deeper into it today because this is SO important. So often as we get into life we lose the essence of who we were before we became a wife, mother, career women, or just an adult with the craziness of every day life. We at some point as we become adults we lose ourselves and then one day stop and realize...I'm not me anymore and we don't even recognize ourselves or who we've become. Now I don't mean the looking in the mirror and don't know who I am because I have more wrinkles, bags under my eyes, or a different hairstyle...but in the way that when we stop and look into our souls we don't recognize who we've become because all those things that had at one point made us who we were are lost. They're gone. We've forgotten what our purpose is in life and why we get out of bed each day. We've lost our motivation, our drive, and our zest for life.

I recently turned 38 and it for some reason I've had a total shift in my mindset. It's made me stop and look back on my life and where I thought I'd be by now. I've started to look at all the things I've accomplished and the dreams that I've worked hard to make come true, but in my journey as a wife, mother, and career women I've realized along that road, somewhere I stopped taking time to do the things that truly light my heart on fire. Now please don't get me wrong my marriage, my children, and my job do make me happy. However that PASSION that I used to have for things, that THING that truly brings me joy and light I had stopped doing along the way. I know from conversations with other mothers and women that this is all too common and that I'm not the only one that feels this way. For me being creative is what truly brings joy to my heart. Drawing, painting, reading, and writing...especially writing. You see I've always loved to write. I've always had this dream of one day walking into a book store and seeing a book with my name on the cover sitting right there on the shelf. I never told many people this, only a select few, but somewhere along the way as I got older and started working towards my career as a teacher and became a Mom the time I took for myself dwindled...I mean that's life and we all know that. However, what also happens in that chaos is we lose that spark that keeps our soul alive and keeps us true to who we are. Since becoming a mother and devoting so much time to my children I started to lose myself. Can you relate? I took so much of my time and energy and gave it to my children, my husband, and my career. Now what happens when we do this? We become empty. We feel that our only purpose is our children, cleaning the house, packing lunches, making dinner, doing laundry, paying bills, and making sure everyone else is happy. However, as a result we become drained, tired, lost, and feel that because we're doing everything for everyone else we don't have time or energy for ourselves. And honestly social media only makes it worse. We go on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, or some form of social media and see pictures of other Moms looking all fabulous and happy and get down on ourselves thinking, why can't I do what she's doing? She's got her whole life together...well guess what girlfriend SHE DOESN'T!!! She just wants you to think that she does. You see on the other side of the screen there's a 90% chance that she's just as much of a #hotmess as you and I are! Social media is a highlight reel of everyone's life and they're CHOOSING to show you want they WANT you to see. Do you really think that she's going to post a picture of herself waking up with mascara running down her face from the night before because she forgot to wash her face before she fell asleep putting her kid to bed. NOPE! Do you think she's going to show you that the dog just shit on the floor, or that her sink is filled with dirty dishes, a pile of laundry in the corner, the baskets of clothes not folded, or the pee on the bathroom floor from her son that can't ever seem to make it into the toilet! No she's not! She's going to post that cute picture of herself just after she put on a fresh face and curled her hair and she's going to hashtag it saying #Iwokeuplikethis...but girl no she didn't!

Girlfriend you feel me right? Well first off I'm giving you permission right now to give yourself grace. So much friggen grace. Because Momma you are amazing. You are doing AMAZING things, and you're right where so many other Mommas are. You are not alone in how you're feeling so PLEASE know that. Second you need to start taking time for you. You want to know why? First because girl you deserve it! You deserve time for yourself and you need to take it. Second because when you do things for yourself it makes God happy and in return he provides you with more blessings. Third because when your heart is happy and lit on fire so is the rest of your life. So I want you to take a minute. Sit in quiet (if you can or when you can) and think back. Think back to before you had your beautiful little children. Think back even to before you met your significant other. Think of what brought you joy? What made you happy? Maybe like me you loved drawing or painting. Maybe you enjoy diving into a good mystery novel or romance novel. Maybe you enjoy singing or going to a show? Do you love visiting museums? Maybe you enjoy yoga classes or kickboxing classes? Have you wanted to finish a degree or attend a Mom and Me class? Whatever it may be find what brings you joy and DO THAT! Maybe those things that you used to love isn't what you love anymore and you have something else on your heart that you have been thinking about. Maybe you want to take up horseback riding or a writing class. Take time to think about what it is that you feel pulling on your heart or your head right now. Don't be afraid to do it, it's calling to you for a reason.

So for example. I recently over Christmas break was home with my kids because I'm a teacher. I had been wanting to clean out this room we have upstairs for probably a year or longer...yeah it took THAT long. So I finally did it because we wanted to make a hangout room for our boys and their friends (see there it is again...for the kids). Well when I was cleaning it out I was going through boxes and boxes of old stuff. In the process of all the cleaning and organizing I came across my old journals and portfolios from my high school art classes. It got me to stop and think...and in those moments I started to cry. I just lost it. Yes ugly crying and all. You see I realized that those things were a part of me. A part of me that I didn't recognize anymore and I was starting to lose. That's a part of me that I love about myself and dreams that I had that I had lost for a while. I had focused so much on not only my children but on getting my teaching certification because that's what I felt was "right" and what I was "supposed to do". Now don't get me wrong getting my Masters Degree was always a dream I had for myself and I accomplished it, however in being so focused on that I was starting to lose something that truly mattered to me. Something that I inherited from my grandfather that I never wanted to lose. I felt in that moment he was telling me to not put it aside any more. So take some time to do the same. Take some time to focus on what is weighing on your heart. What is a part of you that you've started to forget about? Talk to your significant other. Tell them how you're feeling. Tell them that your feeling lost, and not because what your doing as a mother or career women isn't important, because it is, but tell them how you're feeling that you're losing a very important part of who you are and what they fell in love with. Being a mother is very important, however you are more than your job. You are so much more than a Mom. And Please know that I'm not saying it can't be part of what defines you, because it is very much a part of what defines me, but I know how you feel. Being a mother is the biggest most important job out there, however there is more in your heart than that. Because when our babies are all grown and no longer with us, what will we do than. What will it be that defines who we are when they no longer depend on us so much?

So what do you do now? Talk to your family, your significant other, your friends. Schedule time for yourself to do what you love and brings you joy. Start reading or listening to personal development books that help you shift gears in your mindset (this is so important). Filling your mind with positive vibes and thinking is the first step to changing how you feel and what you accomplish in your life. I can't say this enough. Your mindset shift makes all the difference in the world and is a total game changer. Schedule a weekend getaway with your love or some girlfriends so you reconnect with one another and yourself. Even if it's just in-laws or friends taking your kids so you can go to dinner and a movie. Find time to move your body in some way. Endorphins make you happy...period. Journal, journal, journal. I can't say this enough. Releasing your feelings makes such a big difference. Writing helps you process what's going on in your head and helps you work through your thoughts. Talk to someone about how you're feeling. This can be anyone as long as it's someone that is going to be supportive and encouraging to you as you work through things and find what sparks joy in your heart and where you want to go. It can even be a group of women or a community that you feel a connection with. We ALL have gone through this at one time or another. The biggest thing is recognizing how you're feeling and taking that first step to changing it.

Girl you can do this. You can make a change to find a happier you. But...and yes there's a but...I'm going to be honest. You have to do the work. It's not just going to happen. Allow yourself grace to work through it, but you are completely able. Take quiet time as you reconnect with YOURSELF. This is about YOU and no one else. This is about finding yourself again. It's about searching your soul and reconnecting with who you are.

You've got this!

Much Love,
xoxo