The Truths of Parenting A Child With Special Needs-#beingmamabear

Hello! 

Today I wanted to share with you something that is close to my heart. I see this so much in my life and felt sharing may shed a little light for others. 

First a little background info for you. I have another blog called Mrs. L's Cozy Corner where I share mostly about my journey as a Special Education Teacher. This blog has changed various times as I've grown as a writer and trying to find my footing in the world of blogging. I had shared a while back about my son and his diagnosis of ADHD and Selective Mutism and wanted to share more about it here with you today. However I'm going to be sharing about it in a different way. If you want to see the original blog post Overcoming Fears~Living with Selective Mutism you can see it here! 

Today I want to share more with you from the parents point of view and more specifically a mother's point of view because...hey guess what...I'm a Mom ;) You see as parents we see the struggles our children face every day. Who knows our children better than us really? Not only in my personal life, but in my profession as a special education teacher, I see children climb these invisible mountains that others don't see, but I see and feel for their parents and the struggles they go through being the parent of a child with a disability, because I've walked similar paths as they have. You see nothing pulls at your heartstrings more than watching your child face struggles that are naked to the eye and knowing how hard it is for them. Others that don't face these challenges with their children do not understand at all. It's not the same as if you were to watch someone else go through these battles. Yes it's hard to watch. You feel empathy for them and compassion, however you don't know the gut wrenching feelings that a parent feels if you're not walking in their shoes. Then to top that off you have others out there that have NO IDEA about children with special needs thinking they do because they "read some article" or saw some post on facebook and they want to give you all the advice in the world. Yup, that's always my favorite. That's when I turned red and steam comes out of my ears and I'm ready to lose my shit. So today, lets take a few moments to talk about this a little. Let's look at some hard #truths.

When my youngest was in preschool I started having concerns about his activeness not only at home, but also in school. He would NEVER sit still, had difficulty focusing on things at home and in school, and displayed sensory seeking behaviors. I'm mean one day he rubbed his head on the carpet so much he ended up with a huge rug burn that eventually was this major scab on his forehead. So I began talking to others expressing my concerns. However in these conversations I always got the "Oh he's a boy", "Don't worry he'll settle down eventually", "he's just busy, all boys are busy" and all the other phrases I know those of you that are parents of children with special needs have heard. You're told not to worry about it because your kid is just being a kid. Well that is not necessarily the case. This is coming from me not only as a mother, but as an educator and special education teacher as well. GO WITH YOUR GUT MOMMA! Now don't get me wrong. I waited. I listened to others for a while. I stewed on it and and stewed on it, and then I eventually said "screw this" and called the doctors and specialists. I cried. I worried. I cried. I researched. I cried. I talked to everyone I could. I was anxious. I talked to God. I cried. I felt sick. I prayed. I then....yes then...got some answers.

See I am a major worrier. If you're anyone that knows me you know this is the hard truth. I worry all the time. About EVERYTHING (I'm working on this).  I get afraid I'm making the wrong choice. I worry about my kids, I worry about choices I make at my job...I worry about everything. But you see I know that other parents do the same thing. ESPECIALLY when it comes to your children and wondering if they're struggling, if they're hitting developmental milestones when they should, if they're not understanding social situations properly...if they have a disability. We worry, we second guess ourselves, we want what's best for our children and hope that we're doing everything the way we should. We ultimately want support and someone to lean on. You see there is so much negativity out there from other people saying that kids have ADHD because of lack of discipline and bad parenting. People say these children are over medicated. "People" say that it's not a real disability. They blame it on kids attending kindergarten too early. They blame it on TV. They blame it on food dyes or wheat. They say doctors are too easily diagnosing kids. Well you want to know what I have to say...it is a NEUROLOGICAL disability and it is a REAL thing. I took my son to Physical Therapists, Occupational Therapists, Neurologists, SPECIALISTS IN THEIR FIELD. I filled out tons of paperwork, waited months and moths for appointments, and had to pay hundreds of dollars out of pocket for it (because nope...insurance didn't cover it). It by NO MEANS was a 20 minute doctors appointment that we walked out of with a paper in our hands saying yes your child has ADHD. It wasn't a quick on the whim decision that the doctor said he's diagnosed with anxiety and selective mutism. And it was NOT an easy decision for my husband and I to medicate. However, all of this negative press makes us as parents feel like there's something we're doing wrong and we're stigmatized because of all of the negativity out there. Frankly it's assanine and it makes me angry. It makes me angry for myself and my husband. It makes me angry for the other parents that have children with "invisible" disabilities. Disabilities that you can't see by looking at a child because their disability is neurological. And it makes me MOST angry for these children that these people are thinking are just bad kids.  We as mothers, that are trying to do our best, shouldn't be put through the ringer for the choices we're making that are in the best interest of our children. Now don't get me wrong. I do see those situations where parents don't care, they don't take care of their children, and they're doing nothing. But that's not ALL of us and we all shouldn't be put under the same umbrella.

So lets stop for a minute. Let's as parents support one another. Let's as human beings support one another. All we want is someone to try to learn or understand what we're going through. All we want is for others to have some compassion and to lend an ear to listen. To not judge as you walk by a parent in a grocery store having a difficult moment with their child. We are trying our hardest to do what's right for our children and it's not easy. Many of us have children that can't even express to us what they're feeling so we're trying to figure it out as we go hoping that we're doing what we should. What is right for you and your family and your child may not be right for someone else so we don't need you judging the decisions we're making. Take a moment to learn and educate yourself and your children so that they can grow up with some compassion towards others. 

Let's support and empower one another as mothers xoxo

Much Love 
xoxo