I watched my boys walk out the door to go ice fishing with their father today. As the door shut I headed to my living room, sat on my couch, curled up in my soft blanket, and started to cry. Yes a good old ugly cry. And honestly, I'm okay with it. Over the past few months I've been struggling with some inner demons. I know I'm not alone in this. I know many other mothers that have at times felt the same way as me. Not just other mothers, but other women. To be honest, sometimes it feels good to just cry. To feel the tears run down your face, to feel the lump in your throat, to feel your chest tighten, and then to feel the release of so many emotions that have built up. As mothers we so often feel we have to be so strong. We feel that we can't let others see the inner struggles, frustrations, and sadness that we feel. We want to be strong for our children. We want to be strong for our husbands. We want to be strong for our significant others. We just feel that we need to be strong. Well today I was done being strong. I was done feeling angry, frustrated, sad, anxious, and tired. I was home alone, I was sitting in silence, and I just let the emotions go. I let out all of the feelings I've been keeping in for weeks and damn it...it felt good. Then I prayed. I prayed that God would give me strength. I prayed that he'd give me peace. I prayed that he'd help guide me through this next year as I try to work through my inner struggles. To give me patience with my boys and my work. To help lessen my anxiety. To decide where I want this next year to take me. We talked. God and I talked....
Yes I'm an adult, I'm a mother, I'm a wife, I'm a teacher, and I still wonder at times if I'm making the right choices. If I'm doing what I'm really meant to do with my life. I'm sure I'm not alone. I often struggle with the fact that I thought when I was a little girl that I'd be in a different place at this point in my life. Maybe it's the fact that our society is so flooded all the time with social media, the highlight reels of others lives, and we compare ourselves every day to them. Maybe that's what makes us doubt ourselves and feel that we're inadequate. But you know what, we shouldn't feel that way! We shouldn't feel that the accomplishments we've made in our lives, that the hard work that we put in every damn day isn't enough. We should celebrate our successes and then continue to work towards achieving another goal for ourselves and not diminish what we've achieved. It's frustrating really. It's frustrating that there's a stigma that we feel we can't talk about it. That we have to pretend that everything in life is great and wonderful all the time. But...life isn't always rainbows and sunshine and THAT'S OKAY!
As I sat there on my couch I had many thoughts running through my head. Many emotions I was working through I realized something. I realized that I know so many strong, intelligent, successful, and amazing women. I realized that through my life journey I've gotten to know and connect with many incredible women from many different walks of life. I thought to myself these women all have stories that they can tell. They have stories that can impact the lives of other women and help lift them up. It's easy over time to lose connections, friendships, and pieces of ourselves, however it's never to late to rekindle relationships as well as things that bring us joy. The other day I was cleaning out a closet in my house to set up a "hangout room" for my boys. As I was looking through boxes I realized how I've lost some parts of me that "make me ME". You see I love to write and draw, but I've stopped doing that over time. I also love to connect with other strong motivated women. So that is my resolution to myself for 2019. Over the next year I want to bring together the things that I enjoy and that I've let fall to the wayside. I want to connect with other like minded women. I want to connect with other mothers. Whether your a stay at home mom, career women, or entrepreneur we can help lean on and support one another. Life gets crazy and overwhelming at times and bringing one another together for support can make all the difference.
Through my blog and Beauty Empowered group I hope to provide a place where I can share my every day struggles with you and help you know that you're not alone in how you might be feeling. It may be a long post or a few short words but I hope to share a little each day. In the past when I've shared my stories, even if to me it felt like it was something so small, I've had mothers reach out to me to share that it helped them. I truly love to hear that. So I also hope to share your stories as well. I hope to share your successes, as well as struggles to help rid the stigmas that are out there.Maybe you've battled depression, maybe you fight through severe anxiety every day...maybe you have fought through postpartum depression or have lost a loved one. These stories are important and together we can help bring beauty to our struggles and empower one another and life one another up.
So here's to a New Year, a New Journey, and finding ourselves in 2019
~Much Love xoxo
(Now I know not everyone has the same beliefs. Through my writing I'll
often refer to my heavenly father, however you can think of whoever
you'd like. You may have another higher power that you believe in, so
please feel free to think of whoever you are comfortable with. For me
I'm a Christian and believe in God and our savior Jesus.)
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