A Daughter's Love #momseulogy

 

It's been two weeks since my mother has passed. It's still doesn't even seem real. We spent four months watching the cancer ravage her body and coping with the fact that we weren't sure how much time we had left with her. It is all so surreal and you can't explain it to anyone that's never faced something like it in their life. There's no way to explain your feelings in words. Your life is all a fog. I thought for two weeks about what I was going to stand up in front of a church full of people and say about my mother. Honestly how do you put into words just how much you love someone or how much they mean to you. I had written and rewritten her eulogy many times because it just didn’t feel right to me. I guess it’s because it’s not possible for one to express in words the impact that there mother has had on their life. The way that my siblings and I, our father, or anyone's life that she had touched felt about her is something that is true to oneself. And that can’t be put into words.

There were some friends and family that weren't able to attend my mother's celebration of life. I wanted to share the eulogy I wrote to give a little piece of her and just how she made such an impact on the lives of those around her. 

"Throughout her my mother never truly realized how much she was loved and needed. This was until the last few months when you all showed her an overwhelming amount of love and support as she faced her battle with cancer. The cards, emails, phone calls, visits, and texts that came her way made her feel so loved. My family and I thank you for that from the bottom of our hearts. Over the past five months my mother and I had many talks and she had said to me “I didn’t know I had this many people that cared about me.” In that moment it broke my heart that she had never realized she had so many friends and had touched so many lives, however it also made me happy that when she passed she had a full heart thanks to each of you.

For those of you that knew my mother well you knew she had many talents. She was passionate about her family, sewing, baking, running, and in recent years her faith. My mother was also a perfectionist never finishing something until it was just right. Because of this her creations never left her hands until every stitch was in place or until every loaf of bread was perfectly golden brown. She filled her spare time making Disney Princess costumes for her granddaughters, diaper bags for baby shower gifts, curtains and pillows for my classroom, blankets for loved ones, and clothing for the family. She truly loved giving to others asking often for nothing in return but seeing the joy on the faces of those that loved loved “Nani’s Creations”. 

Our mother loved having her home filled with the laughter of her family and having them leave with a full belly. One of her favorite things was cooking a turkey dinner for Thanksgiving and Christmas and filling her dining room with those she loved. If you ever had the privilege of enjoying her turkey you knew it was quite a process, having been brined for a full day...but it was truly mouth watering. She had dreamed  for years to have a large dining room table to fit her whole family. She had finally had that dream come true and it put the biggest smile on her face that year. 

When my parents had sold Amilyne’s Corner Market just shy of 5 years ago she was so excited about their new home because it had enough rooms so she could have a guest room for her family to spend weekends visiting. I remember a video she shared on Facebook of her grandchildren riding bikes and Powerwheels in their new driveway with the caption “My heart is so full.” Her grandchildren truly were the light of her life. You could see her beaming with pride when she was around them. She would talk about them to everyone she met with a smile on her face and so much pride in her voice. Her phone and Ipad are filled with pictures and videos of the seven of them. 

Our mother was truly the best Nani to our children, but that only comes from her having been the most incredible mother. My siblings and I were blessed with truly the best. Growing up she worked tirelessly to make sure we made it to each practice, game, recital, competition, or meet. She was always there for us cheering the loudest from the stands. I used to get embarrassed by her yelling or laugh because she was so loud and I was just a kid, but I now wish I could hear it just one more time. Her grandkids even talk about Nani’s laugh and try to imitate it. It’s the cutest thing. 

Knowing our mother meant you knew that she always fought for what she believed in with a fierce passion. Whether it was making sure that us kids were getting what we needed at school, a bogus call by a ref at a hockey game, or reassuring me after a gymnastics meet that the judge must have fallen asleep watching my routine, she always made sure we were treated right. Because of her drive and fight she raised us all to be strong adults. To speak our minds and never give up for what we believe in. She taught us to work hard and believe that even in the toughest times we’ll get through anything. Life wasn’t always easy for my Mom. She had to work hard to get through life, but she never asked for anything from anyone. She was a proud person and knew that with grit and tenacity that her and my father would get through anything life threw at them. I admired her for that. And this held true to the very end. From the moment she found out she had cancer she said “I’m going to fight” and she did. She fought with everything she had until her very last breath and I couldn’t have been more proud of her. I hope that I’m even half the woman that she was. 

As we’ve gone through some of her things over the past week preparing for today I’ve been reminded of some of my mother’s little quirks. She loved pens. Often sneaking them from places because she liked how it wrote. She had her own way of disorganized chaos, but it worked for her. She loved to shop, some of her clothes in her closest still have tags on them. She liked to doodle. You’d always find papers around the house or her office with flowers or doodles on them. She’d doodle as she talked on the phone or even just sitting drinking her coffee in the morning. She loved coffee...starbucks, black. She never really put clothes away, they always sat in baskets in her room. She loved bags and purses. Vera Bradley or leather were her favorite. Neil Diamond was her favorite singer. Her ring on her cell phone was one of his songs that I used for my floor routine when I competed in gymnastics. She enjoyed reading and if she enjoyed a book could read it in a few days or less. She loved pictures and has them stashed everywhere. She loved sweaty babies, especially when they’d fall asleep on her. I realized through all of this, where each of us four children got our little quirks. We each have a piece of her in us. 

I want to end by taking some time to share some of the grandchildren’s favorite memories of Nani. They’ve talked a lot about her in the past few weeks. Sharing memories with smiles on their little faces. And asking questions. Sometimes tough ones. But I know my siblings are just as proud of the seven little ones as I am. And their Nani is looking down on them as their guardian angel bursting with pride and love. 

TJ remembers when Nani would bring him to his gymnastics practices when he was younger and they had time together just them. She’d always bring him to the store before practice to pick out Pokemon cards and snacks for the ride. He always loved her tuna fish wraps she would make him when they had the store and she’d bring it upstairs to him while he played on the Wii. No one can make tuna fish taste like Nani’s. (little does he know it’s because she used the extra heavy mayonaise) He loved when they’d bake together in the bakery and make cookies, donuts, and bread together. He even had a special pan and apron. 

Zachary’s favorite memory was when they’d run with Nani to the finish line after she ran her road races. He loved how they’d snuggle on the couch together. She was the best snuggler. 

Sadie loved that Nani was always there for her and would watch her. She loved when she’d sleep at Nani’s house and Nani would play with her. Sadie loved Nani very much. 

Isla’s favorite thing was to see Nani at her house and sleep over.

Joey’s favorite memories of Nani are when she’d bring him to school and they rode on the “rollercoaster road’. He also remembers their walks when she’d push him in the carriage to the store. 

Eden’s favorite memory was how Nani made her so happy. Nani’s hugs made Eden happy. 

Maesyn is too young to share her favorite memories that she had with Nani, however all her big cousins, her parents, her aunts, and uncles and her grandparents are going to share their stories with her as she grows and she’ll know just how amazing her Nani was and how much Nani loved her.

I’m not sure I’ll ever understand why our Mother left this world so soon. To us we felt that there was still so much life for her to live, however as I stand here today looking out at this room filled with the faces of those lives my mother touched it tells her story. You each have memories that fill your hearts of times you shared with her. Whether it was on the beaches of keoka, riding motorcycles through New Hampshire’s Kangamangus Highway, eating ice-cream together, her special treats and desserts she’d make you because she knows how much you loved them, riding snowmobiles together, dancing, going on family vacations, trips to Saquish Beach, or cheering on your children together at sporting events, your memories tell her story. She impacted the lives of all of you, whether it was through her or her children, and that’s truly a story that I know each one of us is proud to be a part of. It’s not easy, but we need to try to tell those stories with smiles on our faces, and if there are tears in our eyes it’s because those tears are filled with happy memories and that we were blessed, even for a short time, by such an incredible woman.

Today is a celebration of her life because she truly lived an amazing one. My mother gave us all so much love in the short time we had with her to last us our lifetime until we see her again. My mother and I had talked about how she wasn’t afraid to leave us, because she knew she was going to an amazing place. She trusted God and his plan for her. She had put her battle with cancer and it’s outcome in his hands. I know, right now, she’s looking down on each of us in amazement that this room is filled with so much love and memories of her. 

We love you Mom. "